our rainbow

She's here!

Eve Adeline

April 8th, 12.23pm, 8 pound 1 ounce (3.68kg) 49cm long

We are very much in love 

xxxx

photo by Rachel Esther

rainbow bump

A very talented friend offered to take some maternity photos when we were announcing that our Rainbow was on it's way. About 5 weeks ago I met up with her and here are some of what she took.

 

Amy and her husband lost their son Noah almost 5 years ago.  After his birth Amy's doctor said she needed to get outside and get some vitamin d. So she took pictures of her daughter. Fast forward 4 years (and a rainbow of her own) and she now has her own photography business, specialising in maternity and new born photos. Amy reflected when we first chatted on the phone that if you would have said that this is where she would be now, doing what she does, she would have laughed in your face!

It was a special way to capture our rainbow bump

Thank you Amy 

xx

sunset whyalla style

I took these shots over the last month...just out the front of our house. I'll be sitting with my feet up on the couch (they are getting pretty puffy these days) and I'll look out the window and see the beautiful colours...slightly different every time and it never gets old. We bought a DSLR for Christmas...a Canon 70D I'm still learning how to use it and these were taken on auto

30 weeks +3

My sister in law asked for a current bump photo for a project for a special birthday that is coming up in the family. So I thought I would share it here too! Last week it physically felt like the bump got bigger in one day...I went to work and when I got home it had increased!

xx

Currently in January

Making : 60 metres of Bunting for a friends upcoming wedding
Cooking : cheese and avocado toasties like it's my job
Drinking : water...and chai latte
Reading: French Children don't throw food
Wanting: chocolate
Looking: at the dust on our bookcase...
Playing: this CD...a lot
Deciding: on Rainbows name
Wishing: I saw Clare while she was in Australia
Enjoying: BBQ's on public holidays
Waiting: to hear my results from my blood glucose test
Liking: the look of Pip's new book!
Wondering: what colour eyes Rainbow will have
Loving: our milder summer weather
Pondering: the future
Considering: taking a beginners photography course
Watching: The Equilizer...earlier today...never again
Hoping: I'll be able to sleep well tonight
Marvelling: at the beauty of Dahlias
Needing: to cut down on my chocolate intake
Smelling: fresh air and basil
Wearing: elasticised pants 
Following: this blog...and this blog (where I found this list)
Noticing: the weeds in our garden getting taller and taller!
Knowing: We need to do something about the weeds!
Thinking: about how much our life is going to change (for the better) in April
Admiring: this shop
Sorting: The back room...for my sister to move in
Buying: this...
Getting: swollen feet
Bookmarking: nursery ideas
Disliking: heartburn
Opening: the window...the sea breeze is coming in and making me feel cool
Giggling: at Tim as he giggles at whatever it is he is watching
Feeling: Rainbow kick!!
Snacking: on too much chocolate
Coveting: this cot...but Tim said no
Wishing: I could declutter a bit more efficiently 
Helping: organise a hens high tea
Hearing: The Big Bang theory on TV

I used to blog here...

(taken a bit over 6 weeks ago)

I tried to write here many times last year...it just felt clunky and un natural. It was a shame because I used to love to blog...and read blogs. But it just seemed a bit hard and fake after Isaac was born. I have popped into peoples little corners of the internet from time to time to catch up on the craftyness, vegetable gardens, baby loss and every day life. 

2014 was a bit of an up and down year. There were joys and sorrows, health and sickness and a lot in between. We are set for our family to change again in 2015...in April when we welcome our Rainbow baby into the world. We have had an anxious time as we had extra tests to see if our baby is healthy or was developing like their big brother. We are relieved to know this baby is well and developing as it should. This time we will be bringing a baby home.

So I hope I'll be back here again...or a little more often,

I've missed it...

Project 29- Pom Pom wreath

Can it be true!? I made it to 29 projects...only 9 months after my 29th birthday!

Truth be told I actually completed this some time ago...I got fancy and made some Christmas presents this year and thought (just in case those family members still read my blog) I better not post the photos ;)

I was inspired by a pom pom wreath I saw on this ladies Instagram and thought...I'm making me one of those.

This was a super easy and enjoyable project...it took a little bit of time making the pom poms but if you stick on your favourite Christmas movie and make them while you are watching that, you're done in no time at all. I used whatever yarn I already had in my stash and then tired the pom poms to a piece of circular plastic I cut. (The plastic I had from a print I had received in the post).

I'll take this moment now to say

Christmas blessings to you and yours. Thank you for stopping by this little part of the internet, every comment means a lot. Especially after the sadness we have experienced this year. It's meant a lot to know you've been keeping us in your thoughts.

See you in the New Year for what I hope is a much, happier, peaceful and less emotional year 

xxx

capture your grief part 2

These are the last of the photos I took for the capture your grief project back in October xxx

21

I'm a bit slow in posting this...

my baby sisters turned 21 a couple of weeks ago. 

It's hard to believe. I remember parts of the day they were born. Jek (my other sister) and I were being looked after by the neighbours. They came into the world quickly by emergency cesarean 1 minute apart. I remember when Dad came back to tell us they had arrived he bought some Hungry Jacks...but only for him...for some reason I always remember that, obviously important to an 8 year old! I had my first taste of champagne in a shot glass. I didn't like it much.

I'm proud as punch. They are two of the best I know

Happy Birthday little ladies 

xxxx

Project 26 and 27- The Dachshund addition

This cute bunting made it's way to London in August for a friends birthday...

and I made these using a pattern from some pj pants I had split in the bum (they were about 5 or 6 years old! well loved) I was so grateful for a lady I know from church who owns a over locker to sew the pants with. I feel like they could last for some time! 

Only one more project to blog about :)

Ps...thank  you all who have come here and left beautiful comments. It really means a lot to have you reach out and support in this time xxx

"normal"

If you've been reading lozalicious for a while you would have read about our precious bambino Isaac and all the troubles we had. I wrote a few times here about our journey to parenthood and the heartache we had since Isaac passed away. After Isaac was born we decided we would have an autopsy because throughout my pregnancy the doctors didn't know what Isaac's diagnosis was or why all his problems had happened. We hoped we could get some answers from the autopsy. It showed some answers but didn't point to any one syndrome or diagnosis so we agreed to do genetic testing. The first test for Baller-Gerold was sent to The Netherlands and we received the results back a couple of months ago and it came back "normal" meaning it was unlikely that what Isaac "had" was not Baller-Gerold. Dr Chris our geneticist, sent away to test another gene that can show the Baller-Gerald syndrome. We got those test results back last week and that one came back "normal" as well. So it was sort of no news...well it was and it wasn't. When we first found out Isaac had so many issues, we began a roller coaster of emotions, that we haven't really gotten off yet. I also held some hope that things would be different, that the doctors had it wrong and that Isaac would survive and be a healthy baby that we would bring him home and see him grow up. But after he died I guess those hopes moved to having a diagnosis so that we could know what we were up against for the future. And if I'm completely honest I hoped for news that would say what Isaac had...whatever it was, was a complete stoke of bad luck and it will never happen again. I hoped that we would get some news like that...that we could have that guarantee it would never happen again...but that's la la land. And it isn't going to happen. At least the "good news" is that it isn't a Baller Gerold- which was a 1 in 4 chance of happening again. Which would have been heartbreaking. But not knowing anything...and perhaps when we try and have another baby again just rolling the dice and giving it a go and having those torturous 12 weeks, 15 weeks, 20 weeks til ultrasounds to wait and see how the baby has formed and to see if it's all happened again...it's a bit complicated...but that's our life right now. SO we try and focus on the positives...I started a new job about 6 weeks ago. My sister is moving to our town next year with her graduate nursing position...and we are planning a nice holiday to Thailand. And hopefully when we are ready to add to our family again we won't have to go through this again...

#capture your grief

On the 2nd of October really early in the morning I found myself on the bus on my way to Adelaide with my dear friend who had been staying with me in Whyalla. I thought I would quickly check Instagram and saw that one of my fellow bereaved mumma's was taking up this photo challenge...I had been thinking about joining a photo challenge for October and this seemed like a really appropriate one for me. So below are the photos I have taken so far xx

    

 

 

 

 

 

 (Day 15 (October 15th) was wave of light in honour of "Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day")

 

 

seven

seven year ago on this date a couple of friends said why don't you start a blog.

So I did...

SO many things have happened in 7 years and it spins me out that it has actually been that long. It is a humble little place where I have shared craft projects...once or twice, thoughts about work, new job prospects and babies, major moves, utter heart break and shear joy. There has been ebbs and flows of how often I have been here to write but I have enjoyed writing and sharing at this little part of the internet.

As I sit typing this I have a very special friend visiting from Alice Springs and I am awaiting a text to say this little boy is a big brother.

Here's to many more years of Lozalicious. Thanks for joining me on this journey!

Project 25- A Mothers love

Sometimes it is hard living 400kms away from where Isaac is buried. We decided to have him buried in Adelaide because we know we won't be living in Whyalla for ever. Some days I would really like to be able to just go and see his grave, whenever I felt like it, not just when we are in Adelaide. When we went down for our follow up appointments we went to the cemetery and arranged to have a plaque made for Isaac's grave.

  

Before we went down for those appointments I made a cross to put by his grave so it wasn't unmarked. A lot of the other babies graves had crosses, or toys or little keepsakes. I used a couple of rulers and nailed them together, painted it blue and printed out Isaac's name and then used a varnish type substance to coat the cross and protect it from the weather. The lion was a gift from Isaac's cousin

I was pretty happy with the result and it definitely did the trick to mark Isaac's grave. It was also something really special I could do as his Mummy for him. I think sometimes parents (who actually get to bring their children up) forget all the things they 'get" to do for their kids. It was nice to be able to honor and love Isaac in this way. The little cars were a gift from Isaac's grandpa.

Last visit we had to Adelaide we were pleased to see that the plaque had been finished and put on his grave. We had known it was there before we got to the cemetery as a number of our family has been to visit Isaac and sent us pictures. 

So now that Isaac's plaque is there we bought the little cross home and I put it in the Garden just today. Where we planted our original vegie patch the day after we had our scan telling us all the troubles Isaac had. 

...so only 3 more projects left!

bind up

Image source

Psalm 147:3

This verse is something special for me. 

It came up out of the blue about 5 years ago. A child hood friend -Kenny was killed in very tragic circumstances. He was stopped by the side of the road one night to change a flat tyre. He was hit by a car and killed. I heard about it somehow and wanted to send his Mum a card. Kenny's Mum and his brothers had lived across from us in our culdesac when we were kids. There were 4 boys in his family and 4 girls in ours. We used to play after school, their driveway was really steep and we used to ride our bikes down it...or just run down it and yell like lunatics! We had a lot of fun. I had a bit of a crush on Kenny. I thought he was a bit of a dream boat...I was about 8 and I think he was 10. He was always very kind to me and I had a lot of fun memories of playing outside, climbing trees...before play stations and before our family owned a computer. 

This verse jumped out to me when I was writing to Kenny's Mum all those years ago. I can't even remember what I wrote and I definitely didn't know what I know now. I hope it was a help to her and not too clumsy. I hope she feels like her wounds were bound as she grieved for her son, I haven't seen her since Kenny's accident.

It then came up again recently. My sister wrote me a lovely card with this verse in it. Tim and I have often talked about having a wound that is so deep and raw. Being a few more months along in our grief journey it is a comfort now...It came at the right time. Earlier on I think I may have been a bit mad at reading it. But looking back I can see how my wounds were bound and how they continue to be bound. 

And then of course it came up on the Pocket fuel Instagram one day a couple of weeks ago and I felt like it was for me!

As a side note We've had a few very hectic weeks. We've spent some time away from home. One week in Adelaide for Tim to attend a conference. And then a quick trip up to QLD for Tim to officiate at a friends wedding. He did such a good job. I was so proud of him. We met our nephew and hung out with our nieces...I also got offered a job...but I'll talk about that another time!