Monday, March 25, 2013

a hug

I read a blog post ...a couple of weeks ago about grief, supporting friends through grief and an idea called afsoarss. Sophie spoke about how in Pakistan there is a word that describes grieving and empathizing with friends it's called "making afsoarss" She said there doesn't seem to be an English equivalent.  The way I understood it is just sitting and being with your friend who is grieving  Not necessarily saying anything just being.  I'd never heard of the word afsoarss before, but the idea of it resonates with me quite strongly in this time as we go through this time not knowing what is going to happen for our bambino

In many ways we are grieving. It's a difficult time for us at the moment. We get different information at different times, we don't know what the future is going to hold for our baby. We have to travel to and fro and we are away from our family and friends. We are meeting new people but we aren't to a point in a relationship when you just know each other and don't have to say anything, people want to say nice things but sometimes they end up being a bit awkward, and they say it because they want to be nice and to make them feel better...or feel like they are doing something to help...does that make sense?

A number of years ago a close friend from high school lost her beloved Dad to cancer. I had lost family friends but not someone close like my Dad. I had no idea what to say to her. So I told her that. I don't know what to say, but if there is anything I/we can do let us know and gave her a hug. She told us what she needed and we did it. You can do that with close friends. It doesn't have to be awkward. You don't have to fill the silence with meaningless words, but just be with each other and comfort, make a cup of tea if that's what they need.

I've got to a point where talking about it is easier but it's still pretty exhausting. It's a time to be and just sit and have a hug.


  1. This reminds me of the story of Job. his friends just sat with him in his grief. it was only when they started talking did they screw up. praying that you have people who will sit with you in silence. xxx

  2. Wish I could just give you a hug x x x and make you a cuppa. I'm good at making cuppas x x x Love you Lauren.

  3. I need to be put on a medieval stretching machine to make my arms longer :)

  4. sending a virtual hug x


  5. I've just read your news - I think uncertainity is possibly the hardest thing to live with - the fear and anxiety are often harder to bear than the actual news.
    Thinking of you and crossing my fingers

    Other cultures and languages seem to be able to deal with grieving and sadness so much better than ours - afsoarss sounds just right

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