a hug

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I read a blog post ...a couple of weeks ago about grief, supporting friends through grief and an idea called afsoarss. Sophie spoke about how in Pakistan there is a word that describes grieving and empathizing with friends it's called "making afsoarss" She said there doesn't seem to be an English equivalent.  The way I understood it is just sitting and being with your friend who is grieving  Not necessarily saying anything just being.  I'd never heard of the word afsoarss before, but the idea of it resonates with me quite strongly in this time as we go through this time not knowing what is going to happen for our bambino. 

In many ways we are grieving. It's a difficult time for us at the moment. We get different information at different times, we don't know what the future is going to hold for our baby. We have to travel to and fro and we are away from our family and friends. We are meeting new people but we aren't to a point in a relationship when you just know each other and don't have to say anything, people want to say nice things but sometimes they end up being a bit awkward, and they say it because they want to be nice and to make them feel better...or feel like they are doing something to help...does that make sense?

A number of years ago a close friend from high school lost her beloved Dad to cancer. I had lost family friends but not someone close like my Dad. I had no idea what to say to her. So I told her that. I don't know what to say, but if there is anything I/we can do let us know and gave her a hug. She told us what she needed and we did it. You can do that with close friends. It doesn't have to be awkward. You don't have to fill the silence with meaningless words, but just be with each other and comfort, make a cup of tea if that's what they need.

I've got to a point where talking about it is easier but it's still pretty exhausting. It's a time to be and just sit and have a hug.